A Halfling's Holiday in Bree Review

Glass Hammer's Steve Babb has written a story to accompany and explain the band's latest album, The Middle Earth Album (June 15, 2001), in which he chronicles the unexpected adventures of Mr Hamson Brandybuck, grocer, of The Shire.

Like another hobbit of whom we have heard, young Mr Brandybuck has more about him than meets the eye. This is evident upon his introduction, which finds him peacefully fishing more than a mile outside the village of Bree. Though his cousins have told him it is unwise to wander in the wild lands, and though he has heard reports from both dwarves and rangers that unfriendly creatures are about, Hamson is unconcerned, even scornful. A fishing expedition beyond the village, in broad daylight, rates as the tamest of adventures. Or, does it?

Hamson's modest adventure suddenly turns into something rather larger than he can handle, and his prospects of getting out of Chapter One in one piece seem bleak, but for the timely appearance of a Mysterious, clairvoyant stranger. As Hamson is to discover,, this "man with the silver sword" has a knack for turning up in the right place at the right moment. For now, though, he sends the hobbit off home to supper and disappears.

And there Hamson's adventures would have ended, but for his decision to have a talk with Dwalin Ironfist, and the decision of a pretty young southerner to have a talk with the dwarf at the same time. It is during this conversation that we learn of Hamson's other, less worldly calling. He is a poet and song writer; apparently of some reputation, since the Glass Hammer guild, a popular band of minstrels with a more or less steady gig at the Prancing Pony, know many of his songs. More importantly, to the story anyway, this encounter draws both Hamson
and Dwalin into a dangerous adventure involving the pretty and reckless maiden, a troll, and that same hero with the silver sword.

Mr Babb writes with verve and panache, and not a little originality, weaving together elements familiar both to Fantasy readers, and especially J.R.R. Tolkien fans, and to Glass Hammer fans. In particular, long time GH listeners will recognize Balin Longbeard as the hero of a song from Journey of the Dunadan, GH's first album. Here, as the saying is, the legend comes to life. Mr. Babb presents a fine piece of fan writing here, melding the original material all but seamlessly with the given setting and context, while providing helpful if not entirely essential background for the album. That is, one may enjoy The Middle Earth Album without reading the tale; but, reading the tale gives added depth and coherence to the album.

The tale is not wholly without problems. The heroine's mode of dress would certainly have shocked Professor Tolkien, for instance. but, both it and its consequences are amusing, and the author is careful not to cross the line between amusing and raunchy. There is nothing implied about her here beyond that the young lady is, in fact, very young and rather foolish. Her daring and thirst for adventure, while unusual, are not without precedent in Tolkien's writings. At the same time, the happy ending both for Hamson and for his friends is most satisfying. We look forward to more tales from Mr Babb, both with and without GH albums to go with them.

The Middle Earth Album Review

According to Glass Hammer's Steve Babb and Fred Schendle, The Middle Earth Album (June 15, 2001) was recorded, at least in part, live at a concert given by the band in the village of Bree, the Breeland, Middle-earth. And, who am I, a humble fan, to argue with Steve and Fred? They also say in a RealAudio interview on their official web site that many of those in the audience already knew their songs and were able to sing along. Again, incredible as this claim sounds, who am I to argue; especially when the evidence is there on the album. We do not hear Barlyman Butterbur introducing the musicians as he introduced Strider's The Way to her Heart on Journey of the Dunadan. Nonetheless, apart from this regretable omission, the inn atmosphere is unmistakable and embracing.

The album has the feel of a cross between a Medieval fair and a folk concert. This is not surprising given the nature of Middle-earth, which is a pre industrial, bucolic sort of place inhabited by Elves, dwarves, hobbits and, of course, men. The inhabitants take music quite seriously, and made the band welcome, or so the listener gathers. The rowdy but good natured audience comments and joins in the chorus of several songs with gusto.

Indeed, this is very much an audience participation affair. I was sorry to find that the entire album was not recorded live at the Prancing Pony. However,
the several studio tracks maintain the live Folk feel. I don't understand the wizardry of recording, but I know that the studio tracks blend seamlessly with the live tracks, being all but indistinguishable except for the absence of background pub noise and applause.

Along with the usual suspects, Steve, Fred, Walter Moore, and Brad Marler, several of the studio tracks feature the Glass Hammer girls, Suzy Warren, Felicia Sorenson, and Sarah Snyder. Their voices form interesting textures and contrasts of timber with the usually all male GH vocal ensemble. It's a pity that we don't
here the audience's response to the girls. We do, however, hear their response to Fred and Steve, which is positive if somewhat disorderly.

In contrast to his vocal absence from Chronometree, Fred is very much in evidence on this album with several lead vocals, some nice ensemble work, and a couple backing vocals. As comfortable with a lyrical love song as with a hard driving number, here he proves himself equally at home with Folk style ballads as with Prog.

Dwarf and Orc, a comic account of Balin Longbeard's assault on the king of the goblins' cache of beer, and The King's Beer, an encomium to peace and Barleiman Butterbur's famous brew, seem particularly popular with the audience at the inn, as does The Ballad of Balin Longbeard. This last will be familiar to longtime GH fans from its appearance on Journey of the Dunadan.

Also familiar is This Fading Age, a lament for Gandalf the Grey which, to my continuing mystification, first appeared on On to Evermore. I'm glad to see it here. Like a plant set amid its native habitat, on this album its loveliness is no less though differently set off than where it is an exotic. And, This Fading Age is lovely. Lyrics combining hope and melancholy set to a melody that is, in Tolkien's phrase, sad but not unhappy capture well the conflict felt by the Galadrim, the tree folk of Loth Lorien, between the slow moving time of their enchanted land and the tumult of the outside world. Here Susie joins Fred, Steve, and Walter, her sweet, light, and slightly husky mezzo making the song seem even more ethereal and Elven than in the original version.

The band departs from the Medieval/Folk style only once for what is, for my money, the best song of the album. Sweet Goldberry, a musical interpretation of Tolkien's poem The Adventures of Tom Bombadil, features the signature GH sound and lead vocals by Walter Moore. Lighthearted yet deeply felt, this song expresses the sustaining love between Tom and Goldberry. Walter's clear, intense solo, with backing vocals by Fred and Steve, brings the familiar story vividly
to life.

Indeed, each of the songs on the album tells a story though, unusually for GH, the album as a whole does not. This is because it is part of a larger story, one written by Steve. Rangers, Dwarves, Trolls and Maidens or A Halfling's Holiday in Bree tells how many of these songs came to be written and of a hitherto unknown facet of GH's activities. Though one may enjoy The Middle Earth Album on its own, the story lends context and added interest to this album that looks both back to the band's roots and forward to further growth lyrically, musically, and in the realm of storytelling.

Chronometree Review

According to Glass Hammer's official web site their new album, Chronometree (May 1, 2000), is an affectionate spoof of 70s Progressive Rock. This should be immediately evident to anyone who grew up in and absorbed the atmosphere of the 70's (to say nothing of older and wiser souls) even if, like mine, their understanding of Progressive Rock trends of the day was all but nil. There's a feeling in this album that even I recognize as not just familiar, but comfortable, as if a part of myself were externalized and crystallized in the music. The first listen felt like coming home; though, with a half rueful, half selfdepricating smile.

This is not surprising, since Fred Schendel, whose project the album principally is, is some two months younger than myself, having been born in March 1964. As isolated as my disabilities made me during my growing up years, clearly I absorbed the essentials of the same world Fred grew up in.

The melodies, the arrangements, and the production/presentation of this album are all superb, the lyrical sections blending seamlessly with the louder, more turbulent sections, the whole presentation creating and sustaining a dreamlike atmosphere. Only the self-consciously mannered musical and vocal presentations and the slightly silly lyrics give away that Chronometree is a takeoff.

An Eldrich Wind, my favorite track, illustrates the point very well. The song has a beautiful, haunting melody supported by a sensitive, almost minimalist arrangement which relies heavily on the guitar. Meditative, sweetly melancholy, the song leads you into that state where memory and dream, past, present and future become one and your heart is open, yearning for what is beyond.

Or, it would, if you didn't pay too much attention to the lyrics and the way they're presented. apparently mesmerized by watching his record (or more probably the label on the record) spin, Tom, the hapless hero of the album's storyline, falls into a trance like state in which he believes that voices from beyond this world are speaking to him through the music, calling him to a higher reality in other worlds. That is, he has a mystical experience. But, though it seems very rich and wonderful to him, it seems just a touch inauthentic and laughable to the outside observer, the listener, though I can't help also feeling just a bit sorry for Tom.

His mystical experience would seem, if his slurred speech and insistently earnest manner are anything to go by, to be made up of a Pot high, loneliness, and a desperate longing to belong somewhere and to have something of his own to cherish. Probably all of us, including those who have never tried Pot, can relate to this state of mind. And we smile in our greater experience and wisdom, knowing that he has been called to nothing beyond a nap.

Perhaps younger listeners miss this obvious though gentle point. And, though this knowledge adds a dimension of fun to the album, I suppose it is not strictly necessary for enjoyment. However, to state the obvious, Chronometree is a progressive rock album about listening to progressive rock.

It's also about the dangers of taking any art form too seriously, and of taking oneself too seriously. To Tom, Chronometree reveals itself as the revolutionary new science of time. But, in the end, it reveals itself as nothing more nor less than the science of wasting time. Tom is a sort of cross between Don Quixote and Linus Van pelt waiting for a Great Pumpkin who never arrives.

Whether regarded as spoof or straight Prog this, Glass Hammer's latest effort, displays their talent to great advantage. I'm a great fan of Fred's and so, wile enjoying his keyboard wizardry, I was disappointed that he seems to have no vocal presence at all on the album. However, Brad Marler's vocal work, if not a sufficient substitute in the view of the Fred-smitten, is certainly up to GH's usual standard of excellence.

The increased prominence of guitars, besides fitting well with the album's theme, builds on work familiar to GH fans from Journey of the Dunadan, Perelandra, and On to Evermore. The orchestral passages, too, indeed the album as a whole, seem familiar and yet delightfully new as GH continues to grow and develop, as any dynamic organism will. Chronometreeis a worthy successor to the band's previous discs, crowning earlier accomplishments, while foreshadowing future triumphs.

'I Am Not in the Entertainment Business' and Other Rules of MacNeil/Lehrer Journalism

This is how it's done, boys and girls. It's called being a class act. It's also called integrity.

Signing off of Friday's broadcast, Jim Lehrer outlined the journalistic mindset that has driven the program for 34 years and will continue to guide it when its fifth iteration relaunches Monday as the PBS NewsHour:

JIM LEHRER: People often ask me if there are guidelines in our practice of what I like to call MacNeil/Lehrer journalism. Well, yes, there are. And here they are:

* Do nothing I cannot defend.

* Cover, write and present every story with the care I would want if the story were about me.

* Assume there is at least one other side or version to every story.

* Assume the viewer is as smart and as caring and as good a person as I am.

* Assume the same about all people on whom I report.

* Assume personal lives are a private matter, until a legitimate turn in the story absolutely mandates otherwise.

* Carefully separate opinion and analysis from straight news stories, and clearly label everything.

* Do not use anonymous sources or blind quotes, except on rare and monumental occasions.

* No one should ever be allowed to attack another anonymously.

* And, finally, I am not in the entertainment business.

Here is how I closed a speech about our changes to our PBS stations family last spring:

"We really are the fortunate ones in the current tumultuous world of journalism right now. When we wake up in the morning, we only have to decide what the news is and how we are going to cover it. We never have to decide who we are and why we are there."

That is the way it has been for these nearly 35 years. And that's the way it will be forever. And for the NewsHour, there will always be a forever.

A Little Sunshine

This lovely picture was taken by our very own listener.

One Hundred years of Johnny Nercer

Johnny Mercer (1909-1976) songwriter, singer, entrepreneur and, for my money, genius.

Here he is in his role as singer in a duet with Margaret Whiting.



And here's Andy Williams singing Mercer and Mancini's "The Days of Wine and Roses."

Happy Birthday, Gov. Dean!

It's our favorite person's birthday.

Many happy returns of the day, Howard!

That Time of Year

That time of year thou mayst in me behold,
When yellow leaves, or none, or few do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs where late the sweet birds sang.

In me thou seest the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self that seals up all in rest.

In me thou seest the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie
As the death-bed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourished by.

This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 73

The Mule and the Writer

Sometimes the world takes its pruning sheers and cuts you right back down to the roots. According to Roger, the gardening expert on Ask This Old House, such drastic action may be necessary to help, or force, a plant to grow properly. I never much liked the idea. Poor plant, ouch! Well, this week the plant is me, and the pruning process feels like being kicked in the gut by a mule.

I've spent the better, or worse, part of ten years as well as many hundreds of dollars on books and classes and domain name registration, beating my brains raw learning HTML, and later XHTML, and CSS and practically memorizing the W3C's web accessibility guidelines. All this fuss and bother had only one purpose; namely, to create the best possible web site to serve as a showcase for my writing. Even once I finally gave up on the web site as too difficult to maintain, I applied my CSS skills to customizing the Blogger blog spots where I proudly posted my fiction and poetry.

Ignorance truly is bliss.

Someone who has perhaps not been writing as long as I have but who is more savvy told me yesterday evening a fact which I had somehow failed to divine for all these years. If a story or poem is freely accessible on the Web, a professional editor won't buy it.

That was the mule kick.

Stunned and reeling, I checked with a very successful writer I know via his blog. He confirmed and gave a reasonable explanation for the policy.

I see the sense of it now. But, that doesn't ease the pain in my gut. I've always been so careful. I've always made it a point to behave in a professional manner to the best of my ability. And yet I missed something so obvious. Not only that, but I wasted valuable time and money on web development skills I don't need. Chagrinned doesn't begin to cover my current mood. Murderous is more like it, or rather suicidal.

All is not lost. Blogger has provisions to make a blog private. I have implemented these provisions on my writing spots. This should keep them ungooglible and yet allow friends and fellow writing group members to view the work, which was really the only purpose of the blogs to begin with. But there's more to it than this debacle.

My lapse in judgment, or whatever you want to call it, regarding "publication" on the Web has shaken me to the core. If I could make such a fundamental mistake about writing, how do I know that any of my decisions or choices is sound? How can I trust my own judgment about anything? The fellow who unleashed the mule kick is very offhand about it. "Mistakes happen." But he hasn't had to watch ten years of his life come tumbling down around him, revealed as totally meaningless and worthless. Perhaps it's a lesson I needed, but it's certainly a shock I'll take a while to recover from.

Another modest success

Word came in today's snail mail that "Deck The Halls" received honorable mention in this year's NFB Writers Division Fiction Contest. Though as with the HM sitation in the Poetry Contest for "the Escape" there is no money involved, still it's a bit of a morale boost.

Also since my last post, I have joined the Analog Writers Group.

Long Time No Blog

I see it's been some months since I last wrote in this space. Oops! Sorry, guys!

It would be nice to report that in the interim I've been doing really wild things; but, alas, I cannot tell a lie - not unless I want my nose to grow, anyway. I've been putt putting along, but that's about all.

In July I did learn that my poem "The Escape" earned Honorable Mention in this year's NFB Writers' Division Poetry Contest. As such, it will be published in the Division's magazine, Slate and Style. That is the single bright spot in an otherwise dismal year to date. I've collected several rejection letters, and that single HM was all I got out of the Division contests.

However, I forge ahead. Currently, "Spirits from the Vasty Deep" is out to Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show.

I'm stuck, again, on Marooner's Haven, my SF Romance, but am trying not to worry about it. While that's stewing and brewing in ye old unconscious I've also been working a bit on "The Lady of the Stars" and a couple of the stories/chapters in A Very Dragon Christmas. Also need to get back and finish "World Enough and Time."

On the other hand, I've gotten back to a few online discussions and fora, including the Analog and Asimov's writers' fora, which is pleasant. I've joined Library Thing, where I catalogue my dirt world library and participate in a couple of ongoing discussion threads. Can't get into my Glass Hammer Forum account. I've lost my password and need to do a bit of research to retrieve it. Also can't remember my Twitter log in. Really, I try to use the same log in on everything; but, obviously, it doesn't always work out in practice.

I've also recently gotten back to Fun Trivia, a quiz and trivia site that has communities called "teams." I very much like belonging to all these communities. But the center of my online life remains Howard Empowered People. That's where I feel most at home.

Dirtside, I continue to read, of course. Currently interested in Jung. Got into The Twilight Saga earlier in the Summer. As usual with such things, I don't understand why people complain about it. I find it an enjoyable series. Actually, much as I like Harry Potter, I think Twilight is better written and more likely to stand the test of time. But that's just me. Now, I suppose, I'll have hordes of Harry fans coming after me with pitchforks. *sigh* Oh well…

Anyway, this entry is more than long enough. Signing off for now.

Don't Panick!

Don't panick, but do be aware that Towel Day is Monday. Be prepared, know where your towel is, and offer thanks to whatever supreme being you happen to worship that we were able to experience Douglas' genius, for a little while.

The Black Arrow

I've just read The Black Arrow by Robert Louis Stevenson. Can't think why I never read this adventure story set during the Wars of the Roses before, since that historical period has always interested me. The hero, Richard Shelton, is brave if unworldly, sometimes to the point of silliness and recklessness. Still, his struggles with divided loyalties, adventures with outlaws in the wildwood, participation in an all too grownup and deadly if relatively small battle and, above all, his determination to rescue and marry his pretty sweetheart, Joanna Sedley should please readers of all ages.

The only major drawback to the book is Stevenson's treatment of Richard Plantagenet. In accordance with the calumny so effectively propagated by the Tudors and not finally discredited till the mid to late Twentieth Century, Stevenson depicts Richard as a villain, an ugly and bitter hunchback, ruthless and ambitious. In this view, Richard's undeniable nobility and courage serve only as spurs to his wickedness. It is highly to be regretted that an intelligent, sensitive man and fine writer such as Stevenson accepted these lies as historical fact. He did accept them, though, and using them he paints a vivid picture of "Richard Crookback," as he is called in the novel. Briefly though he appears, Crookback is a formidable figure against whom the hero, Richard Shelton shows both to good and to bad advantage. That is, young Master Shelton is, to be blunt, no warrior. At the same time, he has a true and loyal heart and, the reader is sure, has learned from his youthful mistakes and will grow into both a goodhearted and a sensible man.

Dom DeLuise has died

LOS ANGELES - Dom DeLuise, the portly entertainer and chef whose affable nature made him a popular character actor for decades with movie and TV audiences as well as directors and fellow actors, has died. He was 75.

Agent Robert Malcolm said DeLuise died about 6 p.m. Monday at St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica. Malcolm said the family did not release the cause of death.

"He had high blood pressure, he had diabetes, he had lots of things," but seemed fine as recently as two weeks ago, he said.

DeLuise entered the hospital on Friday and his wife and all three sons were there when he died "peacefully," Malcolm said.

A family statement said, "It's easy to mourn his death but easier to remember a time when he made you laugh."

The actor, who loved to cook and eat almost as much as he enjoyed acting, also carved out a formidable second career later in life as a chef of fine cuisine. He authored two cookbooks and would appear often on morning TV shows to whip up his favorite recipes.

As an actor, he was incredibly prolific, appearing in scores of movies and TV shows, in Broadway plays and voicing characters for numerous cartoon shows.

Link
Dom DeLuise, actor, comedian and chef, dies at 75

Shorthand Adapted from Braille

I have adapted the system of Braille contractions and short-form words to a shorthand for use on Twitter.

Single Letter Contractions

B but
C can
D do
E every
F from
G go
H have
J just
K knowledge
L like
M more
N not
P people
Q quite
R rather
S so
T that
U us
V very
W will
X it
Y you
Z as

Multi-Letter Contractions or Short-Form Words

ab about
abv above
ac according
acr across
af after
afn afternoon
afw afterward
ag again
agst against
alm almost
alr already
al also
alt altogether
alth although
alw always

bc because
bf before
bh behind
bl blind
blw below
bn beneath
brl Braille
bs beside
bt between
byd beyond

ch child
chn children
concv conceive
concv conceiving
cd could

dcv deceive
dcvg deceiving
dcl declare
dclg declaring

fst first
fr friend

ei either

gd good
grt great

herf herself
hm him
hmf himself

imm immediate

lr letter
ll little

mch much
mst must
myf myself

nec necessary
nei neither

o'c o'clock
onef oneself
ourvs ourselves

pd paid
percv perceive
percvg perceiving
perh perhaps

qk quick

rcv receive
rcvg receiving
rjc rejoice
rjcg rejoicing

sch such
sd said
sh shall
shd should
st still

td today
tgr together
th this
themvs themselves
tm tomorrow
tn tonight

wd would

xf itself
xs its

yr your
yrf yourself
yrvs yourselves

Twenty Years of a Fatwa

Salman Rushdie reflects on twenty years under a fatwa. The article could have gone into more detail about his writing, but makes a pleasant read.

Click the title to go to the AP article.

London's Babylon exhibit divides myth and reality

LONDON (Reuters Life!) - A new exhibition in London explores the reality behind the myths of ancient Babylon through art and relics from the historic site.

"Babylon: Myth and Reality" at the British Museum places artifacts from the site of the ancient city alongside contemporary news footage and works depicting Babylonian themes from such artists as William Blake, Cornelis Anthonisz and Pieter Bruegel the Elder.

...

The reality of ancient Babylon is demonstrated through numerous artifacts from the site.

The walls are flanked by blue-and-gold glazed panels from the city's processional road and detailed cuneiform scripts describe pivotal moments from Babylon's history.

One giant tablet covered in cuneiform known as the "East India House" slab describes Nebuchadnezzar's rebuilding of the city's holy districts. Another, the "Cyrus Cylinder" relates Cyrus of Persia's conquest of Babylon in 539 BC.

The site of Babylon, which sits about 85 miles south of modern Baghdad, has been altered often in modern times. The area was damaged during the 2003 U.S.-led invasion to topple President Saddam Hussein, who also built a huge palace nearby that overlooks the city.

...

The exhibition depicts the damage done to the site during U.S. occupation and Saddam Hussein's leadership through news footage from modern day television broadcasts.

"The effect of the Gulf War was that it concentrated public attention, concern and worry onto Iraq," he said. "The disasters affected the archaeology of the whole country."

I hope there's extensive news coverage of the exhibition. I'd love to see pictures, at least.

Link
London's Babylon exhibit divides myth and reality

Life on the edge for Syrian artists

Click the title to read the full article at the BBC

In the second of his articles from the Syrian capital Damascus, the BBC's Martin Asser looks at the role of the cultural life in a police state which for years has oppressively controlled freedom of expression.

I was trying to buy a banned book in Damascus by one of Syria's top literary figures, and to my surprise it seemed to be going rather well.

The bookseller phoned another supplier located nearby. A boy was dispatched and soon returned with my request, discretely folded in a plastic bag.

Actually, I confess to being somewhat disappointed - as I had been trying to test one of Syria's famous "red lines".

These are the taboos imposed by Syria's repressive government on public discussion of things like politics, the ruling Assad regime, or the security forces.

So how was I standing in a bookshop in the centre of the Syrian capital having just bought a book that crossed a whole tangle of red lines, In Praise of Hatred by Khalid Khalifa?

Happily, or perhaps unhappily, my faith in Syrian totalitarianism was restored as soon as I asked for a receipt for my purchase.

"I can't give you one, sir," the bookseller hissed conspiratorially. "It's banned, it's a banned book. Let me make it out in a different title for the same price."

Which he did, officially "selling" me a fictional work (in more than one sense) called In Praise of Women.

It's not perhaps a very good fit, but the above excerpted article reminded me of a story in the December '08 issue of Asimov's Science Fiction, "The Flowers of Nicosia." Click the story title for an excerpt.

Snowball

"Confusticate and drat it all!" I slammed back from the computer, taut with frustration, and sat for a moment, staring at the monitor screen. It seemed to stare back with its enlarged print and enhanced, brightly colored cursor. Then, I sank my head into my hands. "I can't," I moaned. "I can't, can't, can't write!"

"What's the pur-roblem?" my cat, Snowball, inquired languorously. She sounded so relaxed!

I dug my fingers through my hair and groaned. "The problem is that there's nothing I can write about." Snowball made a low, rumbly sort of inquiring sound. I sat up and swiveled to look at her where she lay on the windowsill, ears perked, large, round, green eyes trained on me attentively. I sighed. "You're supposed to write what you know, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, everything I know - my real or everyday life, my dream life, my fantasy life," I choked on a sob and returned my head to my hands. "Even and especially my pain and despair and emptiness life -" Snowball growled. I ignored her and my ungrammatical construction. "Everything I know is Kit." Snowball sneezed.

She had never liked Kit, and had made no bones that she was satisfied that he and I had broken up. But, I was devastated by the breakup. I hadn't eaten, hadn't showered, hadn't gotten dressed for days. The only thing that kept me going was needing to take care of Snowball. Then, I had woken up this morning, well, actually, it had been almost 12:30, and looked listlessly at the large display digital clock which showed not only the time, but also the date and room temperature. With a shock, I realized that the deadline for the NFB Writers' Division contests was only four days away. I had to enter something, and fast! After washing and filling Snowball's food and water dishes and cleaning her litter box, I sat down listlessly at the computer. But, everything I started seemed too personal, too intense, too Kit.
Now I tried to explain this to Snowball. She rumbled thoughtfully. "Don't humans write about their most intimate ex-purr-iences in autobiographies, and memoirs, and those novels with the Fur-rench name?"

"Roman à clef? Yes. And, most first novels are largely autobiographical as well."

She sat up and began washing her paws. "So," she inquired again with a delicate redirection of emphasis, "what's the pur-roblem?"

"I find that sort of stuff distasteful enough to read, let alone to write."

"Writing about one's life and everyday ex-purr-ience, you mean?"

"Yes."

She began washing her face. I loved it when Snowball washed her face, and the top of her head. She was absorbed in this important business for several minutes. When she finished, she blinked. "Is everything in your life distasteful?"

It was my turn to blink. "Well, no, I suppose not. But..."

"Is everything in your life too intensely purr-sonal to talk about?" she pursued, stretching her front paws.

"Well, no; but..." I stared at her. She stared back, sublimely unconcerned. She yawned.

"Is there anything, or purr-haps anybody in your life that is noteworthy?" she asked with a fine show of indifference.

I began to grin. And, as the grin grew broader, I felt the despondency and writer's block disperse, like a thick fog stirred by a breeze. I still missed Kit something awful but, for now at least, I had something to do. Of course! It was so simple. "I'll write about you," I said, leaning forward to rub Snowball's head. "I'll be sure to win First Prize in the Fiction division."

I laughed, the first time in days, in weeks, I'd laughed as she reared up, the image of a lion rampant. "What do you mean the Fiction division?" she demanded in a low growl.

I smoothed the ruffled fur on her back. "Well, after all," I said. "No one would accept a story about a talking cat as nonfiction."

Snowball growled. Ignoring her, I stood up. "Man, I'm hungry! I'm going to have a nice, big breakfast, or brunch, or whatever and then, thanks to you, Snowball, I can get to work."

Jumping down, she followed me into the kitchen. I poured her a saucer of milk as a special treat, and then bustled about distractedly. I only just avoided putting the Canadian bacon in the toaster and the frozen French toast in the microwave in my excitement.

"What should I call the story?" I mused while setting the table. "Something snappy. Cat On A Hot Tin Roof? Na, that's been used. Hmm. The Cat Who Came In From The Cold? Long Cat's Journey Into Night?"

Snowball jumped onto my chair and sniffed at my plate as I set it down. "Are you going to drown that in maple surr-up?" she asked disapprovingly, pointing at the Canadian bacon with her nose.

"Yep." Picking her up, I moved her to the other chair. Then, I sat down and began extravagantly buttering the French toast. "How about All'sS Cat That Ends Cat?" Snowball sneezed. I looked up in concern. "Are you getting a cold, Kitty?"

"No," she said testily. Climbing up, she sat on the far edge of the table and glared at me. I could tell she was glaring because her eyes had changed from green to yellow. I watched her warily. If they turned orange, I was really in trouble.

"I think," she said, "and since I'm the subject of this so-called 'story' my opinion ought to be taken into consideration - I think you should call it Snowball The Wonder Cat."

I choked on a bite of French toast. "W-wonder cat?"

She crossed her paws in front of her chest and glared still more intensely, orange eyes glowing. "Wonder Cat," she repeated grimly. "After all, how many talking cats do you know?"

Asimov's Three Laws Of Robotics

Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics," Jenna said breathlessly."

"Whose three laws of what?" demanded Rick. "That doesn't sound familiar." He leant back and rubbed his eyes and then his forehead wearily. "And, what's it got to do with babies anyhow? We're s'posed to be doing a project on the history of prenatal education. What's robo-whatsitz got to do with that?"

"Robotics," Jenna explained patiently. She pushed vaguely at her chair and resumed her seat at the kitchen table, putting her wavy pale pink hair back over one shoulder. Opening his eyes again, Rick looked across at her and wondered, not for the first time, with affectionate amusement why she had to do weird things to her hair. Last week, briefly, it had been violently purple. For himself, he liked it the original brownish blonde. But then, he thought without resentment, he wasn't clever and imaginative like Jenna. She went on. "Asimov was one of those ancient writers. You know, like Rowling and Shakespeare and Chaucer, one of those guys who only had one name."

"Oh yeah," Rick said, perking up. "I like Chaucer, especially the story about Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Whose tale is that, I can never remember."

"The Tolkien's Tale," Jenna said promptly. "Remember, we know - well, the scholars know - what all the other people are: the Knight, and the Cook and the Franklin, and the religious people like the abbess and the Clerk. Even Piers the Ploughman who tells that weird story about Will Langland's dream and the Pearl. All of them except the Tolkien. Nobody can figure out what a tolkien was."

Rick grinned and reached for his protein energy drink. "Of course. You always remember stuff like that. I think you remember everything you've ever read." Jenna was spared the embarrassment of agreeing that this was pretty much true by Rick's sudden, indignant splutterings. He put the plasticoid tumbler down with a bang and wiped his mouth emphatically on his sleeve. "Brussellsprouts!" he growled, pronouncing the hateful phrase as if it were one word. He looked accusingly at Jenna. "How can you drink it?"

Trying very hard not to laugh, Jenna cradled her own tumbler in her hands. "I'm not. Mine's tropical fruit. I did warn you that the one you had was gross."

Rick subsided into gloom. "So, what's this ancient Asimoo--"

"Asimov," Jenna repeated, still patient but also amused now. "I'm trying to tell you. A long time ago, in the ancient times when they thought digital cameras were a pretty neat idea, this Asimov person - Professor Calvin thinks it must have been a woman, since what is known of the males of that period makes it unlikely in Professor Calvin's opinion that a man could have formulated such advanced ideas --"

Rick muttered, "Good old Suzy," but not loud enough for Jenna to hear. Prof. Calvin might be stiff and dour, but she knew her paleo-anthropology. Jenna was going on happily. She loved explaining, especially things that nobody else had ever heard of.

"Anyway, sometime around the middle of the Twentieth Century, she formulated what have been known ever after as 'Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics.' She even predicted that they would outlive all her other work. Nothing else is known about her. It is thought that she was very prolific, but only two fragments remain: a sentimental fantasy story called 'Robbie" and a fragment which is thought to have been an introduction to a collection of stories and essays. That fragment is usually referred to as 'the Three Laws Fragment,' and it is in this that she predicts the survival of the Laws formulation beyond all her other work."

Rick sighed and reached for his tumbler. It would not have occurred to him to throw away food or drink simply because he disliked it. He took a cautious sip. "So," he said, making a face at the tumbler, "what are these three laws anyhow?"

Jenna took a pull at her tumbler as though to fortify herself, while Rick eyed it gloomily. He liked tropical fruit. The next time he invaded Jenna's parents' fridge, he must remember to take a pink tumbler instead of a green one. Jenna set down her drink and recited:

Asimov's First Law of Robotics: A robot must not injure a human or by inaction allow a human to be harmed.
Asimov's Second Law of Robotics: A robot must obey any order given it by any human, except where such obedience would conflict with The First Law.
Asimov's Third Law of Robotics: A robot must protect its own existence except where this conflicts with The First or Second Law.

She sighed. "I'd like to recite them in the original Old Inglish, it's so sonorous! But, I cant remember."

Rick was staring at her, open mouthed and slightly green. "But," he managed after a moment, "those are..."

"I know," Jenna said quietly.

"Well, the first and third are anyhow."

"I know," Jenna said again.

There was a pause.

"But," Rick said desperately, "that was over three thousand years ago. Centuries before anyone thought to program babies in eutero with the fundamental Laws of Humanity." Jenna just looked at him. "Criky, Jenna," he went on weakly. "It was centuries before they even tried to inculcate the Laws into babies and small children."

"Yes," Jenna said, and her eyes were shining. "Isn't it amazing to think that a person so primitive, totally lacking and unable even to imagine all our tools and, and advantages, could formulate our most fundamental Laws of Humanics?

"Of course, she obviously thought of them simply as fantasy, or maybe the socio-political climate - or even the intellectual climate - made It necessary for her to frame them as fantasy. I mean, she applies them to robots, whatever those are. She didn't think, or she wasn't free, to apply the Laws properly, to humans." Jenna paused, looking thoughtful. "I wonder which it was. Oh well. We'll probably never know."

Rick hardly heard his friend's philosophical ruminations, but then he seldom did. "Yeah," he said fervently. "Totally awesome!" Then he shook himself as if waking from a pleasant doze. "But, how does that help us with our project?"

Jenna clicked her tongue, the only indication she was willing to give of impatience. "Really, Rick," she said, "I would have thought it was obvious. This is just the beginning, the hook we've been searching for. Of course everybody knows the history of prenatal education. That's why I was so annoyed when Professor Montessori assigned it to us. But, don't you see? We can use the history of prenatal education as a jumping off point. We can turn our project into..."

"Into a paleo-anthropological and paleo-literary study," Rick almost shouted, waving his tumbler over his head.

Jenna beamed. "It'll take a lot of work. There isn't much in the scholarly literature about prehistoric adumbration of modern attitudes and customs and that; but, I think we can do it."

"Sure we can do it!" Rick was on his feet, gray eyes flashing, hands (and the forgotten tumbler flailing in his excitement. "With your proficiency in the ancient languages and your understanding of the ancient texts, and my analytical abilities, we ought to be able to pull off a Science Fair project that'll knock their sandals off!"

This story recieved Fourth Prize in the NFB Writers Division Fiction Contest for 2002.